de_nial

Dude! Dude!!
They're making a new version of Alice in Wonderland.
And it has Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter. And Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen. And Alan Rickman as the Caterpiller! Alan Rickman as the Caterpiller!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Afterthought: It's Tim Burton. Hmm. All I have to say, is he better not fuck this up. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

A week ago tonight (at almost exactly this time) Barack Obama was elected President of the United States.
The everything that everyone else on my friends list has said on this, I say yes, yes, and yes.
The funny thing is...
I've never been a big one for patriotism, of any kind.
I could never get it, the concept of it never clicked, even when it was explained to me by progressives who I respected and with whom I generally agreed.
( My reasons--a bit rambley )
So, with all that said:
Last week, for the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to be proud of my country.
Last week, it finally clicked, and I could think to myself, At this moment, right now, I can love my country.

Only I keep not posting.
Ok, so in my defense I've been mostly not around computers at all for the past two or three weeks. But still. I keep thinking, "Hey, that's cool, I should share that with my friends." Or, "Hmm, I wonder what people will think of such-and-such." And I mean to post it all--really really I do! Only then I forget. Or I just don't get to a computer.
Bah.
Well, anyway, I will try and post interesting and/or meaningful things when I think of them.
Other than that: Hi! I'm still here. Hope you are all still here also (or there, as the case may be).
Also, to eveyone who offered support recently:
Thank you very, very much. Even if I didn't end up calling you, it means a lot that you're there for me.
Thank you.

You guys you guys you guys you guys!
George Takei totally just got married!
Hooray!
(Also, Sulu is the best ST character ever. Ever)

In case anyone wants to know, I am not doing well.

Other than that, my hope and love and prayers go out to all my friends in Iowa.
May you all come through this well.

Sort of.
Ok, this is from a loooong time ago, and also I'm combining two people's questions since they sort of made sense that way.

( Where do you live? )

( What are you doing? )

( How's life back East? )

( What's it like going back there (ie: East Coast) after so long? )

( How are you doing? )

Also, you ever do that thing where you keep repeating yourself 'cause there's only one thing you can think of saying that appropriately upset/whiney, and just barely clever? *looks around shiftily* Uh, I mean--me neither! Jeez, I just hate it when people do that. -_-;...

Yeah.
Am slightly less freaking out than I was last night. Am also thinking I should not, repeat, should not actually have to pay them the huge amounts of money that they're saying I do, which is something of a relief.
But still. Am pissed off. Am very, very pissed off.
Seriously, this shit is not even close to ok.

Hey you guys you guys you guys you guys!
Guess what?
So, I've been in rehearsal for Nunsense (very silly musical), and turns out one of the actors is a gamer! Yay! I found this out when she gave me a ride home and there were fuzzy D20s hanging from her rear-veiw mirror. Fuzzy D20s! So we geeked out all the way home, and it turns out she also likes zombie movies/games and has a gaming group of friends in town that likes having zombie parties! Double Yay!! I'm no longer zombie/gaming bereft! WHOOOT!
...
Ok, that was a lot of exclamation marks.
But, anyway, yeah, she's really cool.
So, to sum up: Very nice music/theatre person (goes to a conservatory!) with a gorgeous voice who also likes gaming and zombies and anime. Seriously, this is the first time I've ever run into someone else like that. And she likes girls! So we can do queer bonding together to. Hooray--I has a new friend!
*does a dance*

Ok, so since my modus operandus recently has been "Don't post, or post depressing stuff", I've decided to do something more positive. So:

I like my friends.

I really really do!
I say this, because I don't think I say it often enough--I just sort of forget to. Or I get mopey and miss them, and wish we could hang out, but don't tell them so, and don't tell them why they're such great friends and don't tell them how much I appreciate them.
But that's all going to change! *dundaDA*
Starting from now, I'm going to do things to show my friends how much they mean to me. Maybe I will bake you cookies, or send you cards and "artwork" (homemade, of course). Or maybe I will just send you a really long letter telling you how great you are. Or a montage of pictures. Or cool books! Or something. Who knows!
And yeah, yeah, I know, this would all probably be cooler if I just did it and then it was a surprise, and you'd all be like, "Whoa! I totally just got this cool thing in the mail that I completely wasn't expecting!" and it would be neat.
But see, I figure I'm not sure exactly how soon I'll be able to do any of this, and I want you guys to know how wonderful you are NOW.
So yes, if you are my friend (and if you're reading this, I'm pretty damn sure you are): I like you! Lots! I'm sorry I don't show it more, but my life is better because all of you are in it.
So there.

Also, I keep meaning to post, you know, things. That people actually care about. And read my friend's stuff more. And... yeah.
Blah.

library computer won't let me edit/spellcheck/do stuff to post. grump

For Robin!
(Even though it's probably way to late to help with your class. Aw, I'm a horrible friend! I was thinking about it all the time! Honest!)
Um, ahem. Ok.

Ok, so I'm going to address the question of what does bisexuality mean to me on two fronts: first, what do I think is an accuraye definition, and second, how I feel it relates to me personally.

The overall definition for bisexuality that I like best, since I think it pretty much covers all bases and yet somehow manages not to over-generalize, I've taken from Robin Oachs: "When I say I am bisexual, what I mean is that I capable of falling in love with and/or being attracted people of either sex or gender, not necissarily at the same time, not necissarily in the same way."

So there's my general definition.

As for me personally, well, bisexuality for me encompasses two things: duality and ambiguity. See, as much as I embrace the transgender movement, I'm still not someone who would call myself "polysexual" (as in, attracted to multiple sexes/genders, not as in "polyamourous" attracked to multiple people at once). Why? Well, a part of what I like in people is their genderdness--hence, the duality. I am all about a genderfull society over a genderless society: Five genders? Sounds great. But me personally, I'm still more attracted to the two different genders we see most often. I am attracted to such and such a girl because she is a girl, and I'm attracted to such and such a guy because he is a guy. Hence, the duality.
Now, I am not, most deffinately NOT attracked to the extremes of gender expression. Macho football players and super skinny cheerleaders do not do it for me. That's where the ambiguity comes in.. I like androgengy, and I like mixed signals as far as gender goes. Tim Curry in a corset? Yummy. Drag king performance? Yes, please.
Really, if you want to get simple, what it comes down to is: I like girls. And I can like girls while still liking guys. And that was how I came out to myself, was facing the fact that yes, I like girls, I think they're sexy and attractive and I'm turned on by them. (Still liking boys was never really in question).
But see, I don't like all girls, just like I'm not attracted to every guy. That's where the ambiguity and duality come in--I like folks who break the rules, so to speak, who take on both feminine and masculine qualities, and who aren't afraid to broadcast it (their personalities I mean, not in an exhibitionist sense, tho that's ok too).
So, yeah. That's basically it. Not super organized as trains of thought go, but I thnk that pretty much gets it across.

Any questions? (No seriously, ask me stuff.)

Hey!
Have you ever been suddenly reminded that you have a really, really big Role of Responsibility coming up that's going to be seriously curtailing your time as well as loading on the stress-buckets when you already feel exhausted and are having problems with the energy levels required for work because you haven't been sleeping well and you emotional state is swinging somewhere between "I am a heartless robot" and "My life completely sucks why even bother" and all the while your stressing about money, the future, and existentialism/the meaning of life?
Yeah.
I totally hate it when that happens.

Yes indeedy. I've been needing those. Been planning on trying to get/organize icons according to moods. This means that I've basically just not done anything/gotten any. Plan now is to get icons based on the theory of one fandom=one icon. Probably also can't do this due to not enought icon space. But it's a start!

I'm going to answer people's questions! Really, I am. Especially yours, Robin.
But for right now:
I am so freaking tired and fed up with humans right now. I'm not talking about specific humans. I mean humans in general.
I just finished watching a really disgusting example of pop-culture: oh boy very obviously sexually exploited women doing music videos with rape scenes!
Now, I realize that I'm probably in a bad headspace to be able to properly analyze this, since I'm being all cut-off from outsiders (read: everyone else). However, watching this video made me feel nothing but rage at the woman herself. Yes, I know that that is completely stupid and unfair, even reprehensible. But these days I just don't seem to be feeling the compassion. I know that when I see those kinds of things, I should be moved to just that: compassion, or at the very least, pity. But I can't. I see that, and all I can feel is disgust. I cannot feel sorry for her. I cannot sympathize or empathize or try to understand why she is doing what she's doing, what is driving her to make those choices, what her life and situation is like.
More and more, when I am not disgusted with my self and considering falling off the face of the earth, I just want to disown the entire human race. Maybe we really do diserve to destroy ourseves, myself especially.

So, it occures to me that I don't hardly ever use my livejournal, and when I do it's ususally to post rather silly and random stuff, which sort of defeats the point of using it stay connected/keep old friends posted on stuff in my life. So perhaps I should start doing thigs like that.
But, for now, I'm doing this:

Ask me questions!
Any questions. Seriously. I'll answer them. I may not answer them right away. I may not answer them to your satisfaction. But I'll answer them.

Um, comments will be screened, I guess. If I get any questions, I'll post them (sans questioner, unless, I dunno, you've got a burning desire to be identified) and the answers.

Ok. Go!

I'm reading Lolita (along with several dozen others).
I severely dislike Humbert Humbert.
Also, I think I need to make a rule for myself that I'm not allowed to check out more books from the library until I'm finished with the ones I already have.

...and gleefully celebrating their enemies' misery.


Schadenfreude Pie

Scroll down and see all the pictures. It's awesome.

(Also, I think that now someone should make a Snarky Tea to go with it. I nominate Rebecca.)

EDT: Or perhaps some sort of snark additive to put into tea. Hence "One lump of snark or two?" Hmm. Something acidic, perhaps. With some zing.

...But mostly for Robin.

Ok, so I've totally been meaning to post serious, deep, and meaningful content. However, in the meantime...

Regency Lesbians!

How totally sweet is that?

The text in the picture is:
One lady to the other:
"Little does he imagine that he has a female rival"
Nautical gentleman (Nelson?):
"What is to be done to put a stop to this disgraceful Business?"
Other gentleman:
"Take her from W???"

Heeheehee!

Also: Did you know that in the Regency it was considered more scandalous for a woman to wear underwear than not? Everyone was going commando all the time. Geez was that time period wacky.

I'm an emotional roller coaster.
That mostly seems to be doing boring stuff go around in circles, and doesn't do the "ups" very much.
Yes.